arts 12.12.03

Life in the Big Snapple

As I twisted the top off my Iced Tea Snapple (which I bought because it may soon be the city's official drink, and if it's good enough for NYC, it's good enough for me), the #9 train, brought to me by J & R Music World, pulled into the Citarella 72nd Street station. Nothing like a Snapple after eating a Funnel Cake (the official fried-dough snack of the five boroughs), though, personally, if I were choosing the official city drink, I'd have gone with Captain Morgan Rum.

I was in a good mood since today was sponsored by Endo Pharmaceuticals, makers of Percocet®, which got me thinking about how nice Endo was to sponsor a whole day and how nice they were to make Percocet® and how, when I got back home, I could score some online since I love me some Percocet®. (Normally, I'd have hit up my little local drug store, but it closed last month after Rite-Aid became the official NYC Family Pharmacy).

Anyway, I got off the J & R #9 with a little buzz from the sugar and caffeine in my iced tea (with Snapple in the schools, that buzz'll be a boon for students, too) and walked across Archer Daniels Midland West 50th Street, on my way to Saks Intel, the proud sponsor of Fifth Avenue to do some Bounty, the Quicker-Picker-Upper Holiday '03 shopping, when who do I run into but the Mayor.

"Mr. Mayor, can I ask you a question?"

"Make it snappy," he says.

"Don't you mean — make it Snapply?"

Doesn't seem to get it.

"I'm about to test run the new Bertelsmann rail to MetLife/JFK," he says.

"Well, I know the city needs money, but don't you think it cheapens things a bit to mix commerce so deeply into the fabric of civic life?"

"Fine words, young fellow, but show me the money," he intones, and gets into his limo. He rolls down the window and says kindly, "Happy Bounty, the Quicker-Picker-Upper Holidays to you."
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